Just wanted to post here so that maybe others could gain some insight from my experience. When my father was diagnosed and my parents sat me and my siblings down, I honestly tried to run out of the room. I turned back because my dad called to me and asked if he could have a hug. Just remember that as shocking as this information might be, they are people and they are scared too. I wish I had spent less time thinking of myself and more time thinking of how hard it must have been watching his kids learn the truth.
i really truly hope that you forgive yourself for this. I remember when my mom was in what I thought was remission I forgot her birthday. I called her up because I was worried about an exam and she had to remind me. I felt terrible. I felt even worse when a few weeks later (after finals) she told me that the cancer had spread and it was terminal. But I knew she didn’t care about that, that it was something that I would beat myself up for which is not what she wanted. You’re a human being, you’re not always going to be perfect, especially in the worst and most shocking situations.
Just wanted to chime in and say that I kinda reacted poorly when my parents told me. I shut myself in my room and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I felt awful about it after and knew I had been selfish but at the same time my parents told me they understood and that it’s ok. I’m sure your dad would want you to remember the good things and not these small bad moments!