My mother…

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of hope2015 hope2015 2 years ago.

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  • #394
    Profile photo of Rainbowfish
    Rainbowfish
    Participant

    I’m not sure if this is the right place to post and I am so sorry in advanced for the rant.

    I thought that when my dad passed, I had survived the worst. I thought that I knew what rock bottom was but I later found that I was nowhere near that. When my dad was sick, I realized that there was nothing more important to me than my family. They were the only thing I truly had in the world and even they weren’t guaranteed. When he died, all I wanted was to be with my family. All that mattered to me was them. My siblings felt the same. And what’s more, we all became better people. Except for one of us: my mother. In over three years, there has not been one holiday, one meal that was just the 4 of us. She has pushed us away, she never talks to us. Rarely calls or texts but when she does it is to talk about herself. She has changed so tremendously its hard for me to tell if this is simply who she really is or if this is her mourning/coping/etc. I suppose my father was someone who anchored her.

    I struggle with this so much. I want so badly to be close with her. I try so hard to spend time with her, even if that means we only talk about her and I keep my mouth shut. But even then she doesn’t want to spend time with me or my siblings.

    I hope for everyone else’s sake that the parents you have remaining don’t act like this but I was hoping that maybe someone else might understand. It is so hard to fake it to others and tell them that we are doing well, that my family is great.

    #401
    Profile photo of joshguy929
    joshguy929
    Participant

    i think it is especially hard for the surviving parent to cope with this tremendous loss. while we as the kids keep on living our lives and grow, your mom now lost that life-long partner and im sure shes having a really tough time grieving.

    why do you think she doesnt want to spend time with you or your siblings? maybe seeing you guys reminds her too much of your dad. perhaps she hasnt come to terms that it’s real yet. have you had a talk with her about how you feel? it’s possible she doesn’t even realize she’s acting this way.

    im sure she will come around – remember that all people cope differently!

    #404
    Profile photo of gmbz
    gmbz
    Participant

    Just wanted to say that this is the exact right place to post your rant. It is so so clear that you love your mother and want more than anything to not feel the way you do. Hopefully with more time she’ll come around. People can surprise you so try not to lose hope. How was she during his illness? I’m sure like you and Joshguy929 said that she is just struggling with the loss of her partner.

    What I found is that the illness made me realize that parents are people too. they are just trying to do their best but they have flaws and moments of selfishness. Luckily you have your siblings who you sound very close with! Keep trying! Is there anyway you could talk to her about this? I don’t doubt that what you say is true but definitely try to not be cynical!

    #411
    Profile photo of hope2015
    hope2015
    Participant

    Hey,

    When my mom passed my dad also kind of ditched out on us. He doesn’t really try too hard to be there and keeps to himself quite a bit. I completely understand your frustration and even more so, your sadness. I am also close with my sibling and all we want is to have it be the three of us every once and a while. Just remember that you can’t control everything and of course, what everyone else is saying holds true – everyone handles it differently and parents are people too. Hang in there and just remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and one day you’ll have your own family to focus on!

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